Wal-Mart, in addition to proliferating small-town America with a never-ending supply of Cheetos Big Grab Bags -- has evidently invented a new form of exercise.
In an Onion-esque internal memo, the super-fascinating VP for Benefits, encouraged the musically conservative conglomerate to hire more fit workers, in an attempt to cut health care costs.
Just wondering how many dysfunctional band-aids we're going to plaster across the nation before we admit that the real issue may be -- drumroll -- ourselves. Remember the old adage: we are what we eat? It's true.
Not sure if McDonald's addition of "nutrition" information to greasy wrappers is going to curb the intake of mono-saturated fats.
Luckily, if you're considering a career move as a blue-vest-clad-greeter, you may be forced to stop super-sizing your life.
Sadly, they might have a point, as ridiculous as it sounds.