Piper-Lame

I was pretty excited at first.

Since 99% of my shopping is done online, hearing the news of Piperlime -- the newest addition to the GAP family -- was a definite highlight.

Side note: not that anyone could compete with Zappos, but still, a little green-hued variety can never be bad -- or so I thought.

Today, I got the following enticement in my inbox:

"As one of our best customers, Banana Republic is pleased to let you know about a special sale from Piperlime, a fresh new online shoe shop from Gap Inc."

Cool, I thought. I'm totally in need of a new pair of Uggs. Pink or chocolate.

The actual email (the part above was just the intro) continued to promise things like free standard shipping, easy returns and brands galore. So I clicked. And realized that the "website is temporarily closed?"

Um. Isn't that the point of web shopping? 24/7, 365? Clearly, the pipers have some development work to do. Like building a fuctional online presence.

Tidbits

It seems that fans of list-mania must adore the month of December. Books, music, quotes -- everything has a top-10. I'll happily join the band-wagon-crowd, mainly because snippety blurbs are so much more appealing for the mind to digest.

And so, without further ado:

1. A college whiz kid -- with an uncanny knack for the failures prevalent within the TSA -- created a Northwest Airlines boarding pass site. And although not possible to board simply by presenting his home-made concoction, it did get scores of people through security. Scary? A bit. But more insightful, really.
2. British psychologists briliantly tested the "honesty" of their fellow co-workers. Above the "help yourself to a cup of joe, but please leave 50 cents in the jar" sign, they added a pic of a watchful eye one week, and a soothing flower bouquet the next. Evidently, even the idea of being fakely watched compels us toward truth. Caffeine-addicts were twice as likely to deposit the half buck when watched by paper eyes.

Nice to know that some people still wear their thinking caps.

It's Just Better

I'm secretly hoping that all the creepy news about Taco Bell and Olive Garden will finally lead people to healthy (or -ier) food. Sadly, the organic produce section at my favorite grocery isn't nearly as popular as the pro-pesticide aisle.

So perhaps baby steps is the best approach.

If I had to pick one, singular item for a desert isle scenario, it would definitely be organic milk. Preferably Horizon. (Completely realize that breakfast cereals and dairy-spiked coffee would not be available, but just go with it.)

It's hormone-free. Produced by farmers dedicated to making you better products. And aside from the adorable logo on the carton, my favorite brand has a great, informative website.

Go ahead. Toss that white stuff you got at 7-Eleven and splurge.

Critically Not

Eric Asimov, the wine critic for The New York Times, opened his Wednesday column like so:

"What's the best thing to happen to merlot in the last few years? Why, 'Sideways,' the movie that so roundly trashed merlot while genuflecting before the new god of red wine, pinot noir. The movie gave shape to and inchonate movement away from American merlot in the marketplace, and spoke the truth in caustic terms: namely that most merlot produced in the United States is not very good. As a result, the anti-merlot trend accelerated. Fewer people bought it, and producers bottled less of it."

Clearly, Mr. Asimov has not made a trip to Napa in recent months.

While it's decidely true that the movie bashed the m-grape, it actually had the opposite effect on some vino-buyers. A recent visit to Shafer -- whose claim to fame is of the hillside variety -- highlighted that the film, ironically, piqued the interest of would-be buyers and really didn't negatively impact their Merlot sales at all.

So there.

Still. He does get to write a wine blog for a fancy-pants newspaper. Guess that gets him one point.

Diss the Bird

For years, I've insisted on purchasing only organic, free-range chicken. I've avoided it in restaurants (in addition to usually being the bland "chick-dish" -- a double-entendre for sure -- the thought of somehow ingesting even a sliver of a made-for-groceries Tyson brand has been enough to gag.)

Imagine my horror/shock/when-was-the-last-time-I-sampled-a-wing-or-thigh-or-breast panic attack when I read the following:

"Tests by Consumer Reports show that supermarket chicken has an 8 in 10 chance of harboring campylobacter, salmonella, or both, bacteria that can cause illness and even death if the chicken isn't handled carefully and cooked thoroughly."

Nasty.

Aha, you might be thinking. Just more ammo for purchasing the more expensive, fancy variety. Think again:

"Overall, chickens labeled as organic or raised without antibiotics and costing $3 to $5 per pound were more likely to harbor salmonella than were conventionally produced broilers that cost more like $1 per pound."

So yeah. So long cacciatore, curry, stews and anything else remotely calling for chickadees.

Got Milk?

Admittedly, it's a pretty funny idea: thieving from the always-present eau-de-whatever ads in fashion magazines and adding an olfactory element to your standard bus-station advertisement.

The idea, clearly, being that pleasantly scented stimuli might in turn result in addictive consumerism. You smell rose petals and honey dew, you might purchase Lancome's latest essence. If your sniffer detects pina-colada, it might just propel you to a near-by travel agent for a tropical get-away.

That's pretty much what a milk-lobbying group was hoping for when they associated chocolate-chip-cookie smells with their billboards.

Understandably, it back-fired.

Instead of drawing in idle bystanders it evidently caused moral digust by those fighting for the rights of allergy sufferers and -- dead serious -- the obese.

I totally get it. Seems like a fine line we don't want to cross. Just thinking about what advertisements for laundry detergent and football jerseys would smell like is enough to hold your breath.

Competitive Combination

I'm totally a Blogger fan. Not sure how I feel about the big G, but this little application-schmation makes it super-easy to share my clearly fascinating dribble with my devout fans.

(Not an oxymoron.)

But. For my next project -- a much-needed guide to all things Tahoe -- I decided to cheat. I'm opting for WordPress at the moment. Debated using Dreamweaver, but giving this a shot at first. Support ingenuity, and WP definitely falls into that sphere.

Want a sneak peek?

And who said addictively refreshing this site doesn't pay off ...

Shoulder-Perched Parrot, Anyone?

Most likely, one day I'll be a rare, glasses-wearing breed. Despite the fact that I could wear invisible eyewear on a daily basis, I'm rather fond of my diamond-studded Chanel frames.

But yeah. In order to fly down the slopes in my previously mentioned pink helmet, I need something slightly less breakable.

I decided to get my conctacts at Costco. They called the other day, letting me know that my 3-month supply was ready. Cool.

PrincessMalin: "Hi. I'm here to pick up my contacts."

CostcoDude: "Yep, here you go."

Mere moments later:

PM: "Umm ... I just opened these in the car and it looks like these are 6 lenses for my left eye."

CD: "Yes, that's what you ordered."

PM: "No, pretty sure I ordered lenses for both eyes -- so I can see."

A few more moments later later, I exited the super-security-enabled bulk-foods warehouse with refills for both eyeballs in hand. It seems a teensy clerical snafu almost landed me with a pirate patch.

In other news: They're opening a TJs down the hill. Next Friday. Super-exciting.

Current Adorations

In completely whimsical order:

1. lobster macaroni-and-cheese
2. otto's ice-cube fanaticism
3. oskar's intuitive-ness
4. remembering that we live minutes from the ski lift
5. my new pink helmet
6. and matching goggles
7. the durability of uggs
8. glittens: mittens & gloves made into one
9. having high enough ceilings for an insanely tall christmas tree
10. realm red and whitehall lane anything

I clearly have been under-using lists of late. Luckily, New Year's is around the corner ...

Edible Musings

I think it's crazy.

This morning, a psychiatry-something was seriously instructing Americans how not to "needlessly eat." Tips and tricks to end holiday grazing. Top of the list: "Try not to eat if you're not hungry."

Um. Yeah.

In other news, here's what's on the hoping-for-snow-any-minute menu:

• brined, then roasted organic, free-range turkey
• garlic mashed potatoes
• green beans
• roasted vegetables
• cranberry sauce
• chestnut, sausage and bread-crumb stuffing
• sweet potato & anaheim chili gratin
• rosemary baguette
• pumpkin pie

And of course, a favorite Napa vintage. Possibly Realm, Chateau Boswell, Behrens & Hitchcock or the last bottle of Biale.

Dear Otto & Oskar

I'm pretty certain that you guys can't tell time -- which completely explains why you get so excited when I return from the "trek" to the end of the driveway for the morning NY Times.

And while I know you adore your cedar-stuffed dog pillows and favorite spots on the couch, the yellow and black fleece blankets I plan on bringing for your kennel appear to be almost as cushy. Almost.

But I know you'll miss the early-morning lake-front walks. And sniffing your way through the forest opposite our house. And tooling around the backyard, trolling for squirrels, hoping that any one of the neighbors will show up with a bacon-flavord treat.

So how about this: You both agree to spend 10 days at the vet (while we sip pina-coladas on Kona), and I promise a home-coming filled with rawhides, a table-scrap or two and new "indestructible" toys.

Oh and I almost forgot. Yes, you'll get to go swimming the very day we pick you up.

Leading Ladies

I have two new feminine favorites. Girlie girls with spunk, pizzazz, and a general knack for sass.

1. Veronica Mars: she's perfectly mismatched and totally able to pull off striped knee-highs with a plaid jacket. She's super funny and always well-equipped to impress, stall, break-and-enter, and solve any and all crimes that come her way. I'm totally hooked, and we haven't even made it through the season one DVDs.

2. Penelope from "Criminal Minds": addictively fast on a computer, always scribbling with a pink, sparkling pen and an obvious key player in every psychopath's capture.

I'm considering purchasing a fancy secret-eye surveillance camera just to show my support.

The Power Of

"The City of Angels" reminds me of the "Time Traveler's Wife." Unusually poignant love stories. True. Real. Based on something so incredible -- which most likely is what makes it so believable.

Sort of like encountering solid earnestness and remembering that, most of the time, what you see is what you get.

Which is exactly the point.

Eyesight, and the miracle of seeing, is completely within our subjective control.

So. Believe. It's just much more magical.

Le Free Ride: C'est Fini

Twelve years is a long time.

But at this point, not sure Goran Persson thinks so.

Mr. P was officially given the boot by 80% of the Swedish voting population. Well, he actually leaves his fancy-pants seat in March, but still, not sure he'll be able to rest on his laurels any longer.

Good-bye life-long unemployment. Hello, hopefully, some form of social responsibility. Adios leaving things be. Hola, embracing -- or perhaps just slowly acknowledging -- change.

Hejda Social Democrats. Hejsan Moderates.

Not sure I ever would have thought I would lean slightly more right than left. Keep in mind this is Sweden: the most non-stance-ical place on earth after Switzerland. This kind of "upheaval" can only be good.

Especially if it means the middle shrinks, if even by a smidgeon.

Bake It

We finally decided on veggie soup. Simple, delicious, and ideal for a chilly, 45-degree-evening. A few minced garlic cloves later, we realized the inevitable: no bread. Love bread. Adore bread. But honestly, the store-bought version -- while usually fresh -- is clearly not the same as a loaf pulled straight from the Viking oven.

A quick inspirational call to my sis, a few notes jotted on a sticky -- and the venerable Kitchen Aid had everything it needed to spin, knead and mold to its heart's content.

Here's how:

Mix the following: 1/2 teaspoon yeast, 1 cup flour, 1 cup luke-warm water. Leave alone for 15-30 minutes.

Next, add: 1 teaspoon yeast, 3/4 cup water, 1/2 teaspoon salt, 3 to 4 cups flour. Knead.

Cover with kitchen towl & allow to rise for 2-3 hours.

Divide dough into three equal parts. Form into baguette shapes. Place on cookie sheet. Use serrated knife to score. Cover with same towel for an additional 30 minutes, or so, depending how hungry you are. Dab loaves with water, place in 500-degree oven for 15-20 minutes, or until golden brown.

Serve -- with plenty of butter, obviously.

Breaking News

"Fast-food eaters underestimate calories," reports CNN.

"....over-weight people ... tended to buy larger meals," continues this fascinatingly 80-s-eque reminder of how *clueless* people are when it comes to food, fats and the fabulousness of friendly greens.

You can read the rest here.

Instead of waxing and waning on the benefits of cooking at home, shunning the unappealing burritos and "100% beef" patties purported to be "burgers" along highways across this *huge* land, I'll let you leap to your own conclusions.

But honestly, is it all our fault?

My brand spankin' new night-armour Nissan Xterra comes with super-size cupholders. Luckily, I'm Swedish. So instead of feeling forced down to Circle-K for a mega-slurpie, I'll use it to stash my spare clogs.

Kidding. Kinda.

Salmon-ize

It's going to sound decidedly obnoxious. Unappealing. But definitely not un-appetizing: I'm a culinary rockstar. No, really. Clearly inherited from my Cordon-Bleu-trained Mamma and fine-tuned, refined and unceremoniously polished by cooking dinners. Nightly.

If you're remotely connected to the addictive world of eats, you might remember that girl Julia from NY. She spent one year cooking everything from one of Julia Child's tomes. And while the latter J was certainly a whisk-bearing figure to be reckoned with, I was never that impressed with the former's resolve to cook recipes that were already developed. Imitate, if you will.

Instead, I'm a devout follower of the opposite. Read recipes for inspiration. But add your own whimsical pinches and dollops and at-will drizzles. It's definitely more fun. And delicious.

Need a starting point? Grab a salmon fillet. Marinate it. Garlic, ginger, OJ -- all good fish-flavor enhancers. Perhaps a dousing of balsamic. Spicy herbs. Sea salt. Pan-sear. Ideally in a grill-pan. Serve with blue-cheese-speckled risotto and steamed broccoli.

Tasty?

Santa Monica: Preparing for the Worst

Life will most likely never be the same.

This morning's Grape-Nuts-and-coffee ritual came to a stand-still as I sat, riveted, trying to digest the already-smudged newsprint:

"Residents in the 310 zone will soon have to dial four extra digits."

Add to this the evident trauma of Crack-Berry-Heads having to reprogram cellphones all over the Westside, and you soon realize that this will clearly result in all kinds of psychoses, disorders and phobias among the shrink-happy beach clan.

"I just never really thought of how much of an inconvenience this is going to be," said one unhappy resident.

"It's a nightmare," echoed another.

Luckily, the Redondo Beach Chamber of commerce is prepared. Their president pretty much sums it up:

"We're telling people, 'It's coming, it's coming. Are you ready?'"

It's obvious, people -- we're mere moments away from a complete melt-down. Quick! Grab your bottled Evian, Louis-Vuitton doggie carriers and run for the hills in your patent Manolos!

Find It

Six years of journalism-themed week-days have clearly paid off. If only Dr. McCorkle could see me now -- employing the five w's and one h without referencing anything but memory-based file cabinets.

WHO: Us & the Otters.
WHAT: Residing in proverbial paradise.
WHEN: 20-something commuter days from now -- but who's counting?
WHERE: 10 minutes from the cleanest, clearest, pristine-est lake.
WHY: Because we can.
HOW: Dreaming. Believing. Doing.

So ... what's your master plan? But more importantly, what are you waiting for?

June Must-Haves

1. Lewelling cabernet.
2. Beaded flip-flops.
3. TJ's peach juice.
4. Snap peas.
5. Smoked almonds.
6. Casa Bianca pizza.
7. Floral-print skirts.
8. Open-window-mornings.
9. Breakfast outdoors.
10. Luxuriously knowing that your dreams are always within reach.